Heart, Mind, & Body

The New Girl

Hello blogging world! There’s a new girl in town! Again. As a military wife, there’s a heavy feeling of dejavue that never seems to go away because my life is kind of playing on repeat. Leave people behind, move to a new place, get to know the area, try to make friends and find people you vibe with, search for a church, search for schools, etc… I know other military wives out there understand what a lengthy and exhausting process this is. But for me, the stage of drudgery has lifted. We are all settled in, and I started this blog- bum bum bum BUM!!! (Those were trumpets.)

Make way! The dam has broken, and I can’t stop writing! To say this is cathartic for me is an understatement; with each word my spirit flies higher. I have never felt as free as I do now, with my depression lifting and the words pouring out of my soul. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Praise him all creatures here below!! God has once again filled me with the boundless creativity that inspired me as a child. I am humbled and grateful, desperate to write each day when I awake. I am doing this for myself first and foremost, but I am honored that you are reading this post. I have shaken off the constricting arms of fear and vanity, and I am ready to share my story with the world.

I have had this feeling before of being filled to the brim by the spirit with creative energy, picturing glorious things and wanting to express them. But maybe I chose the wrong outlet. I felt like I could never depict the beauty I imagined nor express the feelings I felt on canvas. I should have turned to words sooner. But maybe the Lord was letting me experience some tough things before directing me down this path.

Open my heart
Open my mind
I can feel the tension start to unwind
From around my soul
It feels so free
I’m actually at peace just being me
Lord, you’re the Potter
Can you use me still
Please bind these cracks so I can be filled
With your boundless love
With your endless grace
Thank you for putting me in this place

I have received so many kind words since posting about my depression. Thank you friends and family for your encouragement and help during this tough time. I know that I will face more trials in the future. That is the nature of life on earth. Lord, please give me strength to push through, and use the challenges to glorify you. 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”      James 1:2-4

“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”      Romans 5:2-5

Now, I’ve got to admit that I wasn’t thanking God for that dark place I sank to during my depression, and I most certainly didn’t rejoice when my dad died. But I think those trials made me stronger and gave me compassion for people that I didn’t understand before. I was ignorant of the agonizing pain of grief and clueless about the grim realities of mental illness , but now I can say I’ve been there too. I’m no expert on the subjects, but I’d be happy to lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I mostly just want you to know- you are not alone.

A painting I did a few years ago with Romans 5:2-5 on it.

5 thoughts on “The New Girl”

  1. I absolutely loved your poem. God gives me songs and poems to write, too. 🙂

    I know about depression. Been there. Every day I have to say “No” to my feelings and walk by faith in the power of God’s Spirit living within me, so I understand.

    I have two sons who were in the military. My youngest son was in for 12 years, and had four tours of duty overseas in Iraq and Afghanistan and while married and having 4 kids, too. But, he is out now and they have bought a house and settled down and he has gone back to school and is getting a couple of college degrees while working full-time, but he is home every day.

    I enjoyed reading this post immensely. So glad to hear of your walk of faith with the Lord. I could not do life without him. So glad to hear that you are putting your trust in him daily.

    God bless you! So glad you visited my blog so that I could find yours. Following you now. Sue

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Sue! You’ve been there too! I have such a hard time saying no to my feelings. Sometimes they overwhelm me! But God is bigger and he is so good to me. I feel so blessed and so thankful to be getting help and to have plugged into a wonderful blogging community too where I can connect with others. I bet you feel much more secure with your sons out of the military now. I pray Thomas doesn’t deploy again, but I know God is in control. I’m working on trusting him!!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally get the “overwhelming” part. I had one of those days a couple of days ago and wrote about it on my blog. The blog post is “Rainy Days.” But, God is good! He pulls me through those days and he helps me to be strong in him when I am weak, so I praise Him.

        Yes, the blogging community is wonderful, isn’t it? I have met so many wonderful people here. This has been such a blessing from God!! And, I am so glad to meet you, too.

        I don’t think I worried about my sons being overseas. The youngest was one of those kids who was always getting into things and it is amazing he lived to adulthood, so I knew God was watching over his life and I trusted God with him, as I did with my oldest son.

        So glad to hear that you can settle down for a while now. I have never been in the military or my husband, but we have still moved a lot, and at our age, that is really hard. We just moved again a month ago, so I hope we stay here for a long while. 🙂

        Like

      2. Awesome, I’ll check out “Rainy Days”. It’s nice to meet you too, Sue! Thank you for your encouragement. I hope you get all settled into your new place and feel like you’re at home. I’m finally feeling that way in our new home and it is definitely a comforting feeling.

        Liked by 1 person

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