Hello blogging world! There’s a new girl in town! Again. As a military wife, there’s a heavy feeling of dejavue that never seems to go away because my life is kind of playing on repeat. Leave people behind, move to a new place, get to know the area, try to make friends and find people you vibe with, search for a church, search for schools, etc… I know other military wives out there understand what a lengthy and exhausting process this is. But for me, the stage of drudgery has lifted. We are all settled in, and I started this blog- bum bum bum BUM!!! (Those were trumpets.)
Make way! The dam has broken, and I can’t stop writing! To say this is cathartic for me is an understatement; with each word my spirit flies higher. I have never felt as free as I do now, with my depression lifting and the words pouring out of my soul. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Praise him all creatures here below!! God has once again filled me with the boundless creativity that inspired me as a child. I am humbled and grateful, desperate to write each day when I awake. I am doing this for myself first and foremost, but I am honored that you are reading this post. I have shaken off the constricting arms of fear and vanity, and I am ready to share my story with the world.
I have had this feeling before of being filled to the brim by the spirit with creative energy, picturing glorious things and wanting to express them. But maybe I chose the wrong outlet. I felt like I could never depict the beauty I imagined nor express the feelings I felt on canvas. I should have turned to words sooner. But maybe the Lord was letting me experience some tough things before directing me down this path.
Open my heart
Open my mind
I can feel the tension start to unwind
From around my soul
It feels so free
I’m actually at peace just being me
Lord, you’re the Potter
Can you use me still
Please bind these cracks so I can be filled
With your boundless love
With your endless grace
Thank you for putting me in this place
I have received so many kind words since posting about my depression. Thank you friends and family for your encouragement and help during this tough time. I know that I will face more trials in the future. That is the nature of life on earth. Lord, please give me strength to push through, and use the challenges to glorify you.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
“And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” Romans 5:2-5
Now, I’ve got to admit that I wasn’t thanking God for that dark place I sank to during my depression, and I most certainly didn’t rejoice when my dad died. But I think those trials made me stronger and gave me compassion for people that I didn’t understand before. I was ignorant of the agonizing pain of grief and clueless about the grim realities of mental illness , but now I can say I’ve been there too. I’m no expert on the subjects, but I’d be happy to lend a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. I mostly just want you to know- you are not alone.
A painting I did a few years ago with Romans 5:2-5 on it.