It has been a long time since I’ve done a blog post. It wasn’t really an intentional absence or even a writer’s block, because ideas were always swirling around in the back of my mind. I was throwing my energy and creativity into another outlet, which I’ll tell you about another day.
It feels good to write again!
Today I’ll do a quick post while Lukey boy watches a few nursery rhyme songs. He’s actually my inspiration today.
This morning, while rushing to get us all ready and in the car for Lyla’s preschool, Luke pitched a little fit when I tried to dress him. And I pitched a fit right back at him. Basically this entailed him screaming at the top of his lungs and throwing his body backwards. He does this a lot, and it’s rather infuriating… so instead of ignoring it or disciplining him today, I screamed back at him. He stopped screaming and started crying. Lyla told me it was scary.
I walked away and told myself to calm down. Then, I intentionally did something I’ve struggled to do in the past.
I chose to give myself grace.
My go to emotional reaction is to dwell on the moment and beat myself up. My mom tells me to laugh it off, but I really don’t feel like I’m to that lighthearted place as a mom. So for now, I’m going to choose grace. I’m going to forgive myself for my reaction and move on.
I’d be lying if I said this was the first time this happened. When I calm down after a rough moment, I apologize to my kids and say I shouldn’t have acted like that. Hopefully, they will see that Mommy isn’t perfect, but she does humble herself before them and work toward reconciliation. I’m a work in progress, just like they are. I know I need to be a good example for them, but sometimes I blow a fuse, like this morning.
I know that ultimately I don’t want them to be like me, but Christ instead. Perhaps my imperfections can be used to point them toward the perfect love of Christ.
We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19